letters to olivia: at two months

I can't believe you are already two months old. You are getting so big and I want you to stop growing but keep growing at the same time. I had a thought about your future wedding day a few days ago and I started to tear up. Luckily, your dad was there to remind me that we don't have to give you away any time soon.

Olivia, you . . .

have found your hands and want to suck on your knuckles all the time. Sometimes, you even stop while I am feeding you and decide you would rather suck on your hands for a bit.

have started to smile. Sometimes, I need to work for a smile and others times they arrive unsolicited. Either way, they are the best!

have started cooing. And it is adorable. And I love having conversations with you even if you just respond in little noises.

are becoming a better sleeper. You usually only wake up around 3 am now and then early in the morning around 6:30 am. And I think we may be getting into a pretty good night time routine as well.

have created a bald spot on the back of your head. I wish you would stop thrashing your head back and forth in your crib. Your new look is baby in the front, old bald man in the back.

love paintings. Especially the one above our bed. You could sit and look at that forever so I have started calling it Olivia's painting.

are starting to appreciate the wonder that is Taylor Swift. We have gotten into somewhat of a routine, you and I, and it involves a little nap before your next feeding. You get a little fussy and so I wrap you in your favorite blanket and dance with you to Taylor Swift and it puts you right to sleep.

want to look at everything. You still love your wrap when we go out and about but you refuse to lay your head on my chest. You need to look around and take everything in.

have become fascinated with the television. Those colors and shapes transfix you.

love lights. On or off - it doesn't matter. And ceiling fans. But you prefer those off because you hate being cold. 

Olivia, I . . .

am starting to feel a little bit more human. Thank you for giving this whole sleeping-at-night thing a chance. I have realized that if I can get at least one four-hour chunk of sleep at some point in the night, I can be a functioning member of society the next day.

slowed down. And not in a way that we move slower in the mornings or to go somewhere. I take moments to just be with you. This is weird from someone who constantly needed to be working on a project or planning something.

am making an effort to appreciate every minute. People keep saying this to me.

Appreciate it. Enjoy it. It goes by so fast. I remind myself of this during those middle of the night feedings and sometimes, even after you go to sleep, I rock you a little bit longer.

know your moods the best of anyone. I know when when you fuss or cry now that sometimes it means you are hungry but other times it means you are tired or bored.

miss you. I make an effort to do things on my own every so often. I went for a pedicure a few weeks ago and have been to yoga a few times. I know that it is good for both us to take a little time for myself. But don't think I don't think about you the entire time.

The other day at the beginning of yoga class, we were asked to envision our joy. You immediately popped into my head and I kept you with me the entire time. And when class was over, I couldn't wait to get home to you.